Tag Archives: te amo

September 11, 2013

Today he is not afraid to say this is what happened. Today he wants to know more.
He asked me yesterday, “Why does the U.S. want to bomb Syria?”
He listens to Tongan music and the Tongan Radio show in Utah every week. He says he wishes he spoke Tongan. He asks me how my Mum is.
Today he wants answers. Today he wants to know more.
Mo Maui 1
Mo Maui 2
Maui 1
Maui2
September 11, 1973 Santiago, Chile: He was not born yet. But this is his birthplace. He will be born on Sept. 12th. One day after, 5 years later.Year 1982 Provo, Utah: I am 4 years old. My family move from La’ie, Hawai’i and arrive in Utah. Provo, Utah to be exact. We are here to begin a new life.Year 2000 Provo, Utah: He is 21 years old and leaves Santiago, Chile for the United States of America. Provo, Utah to be exact. He has grown up with Pinochet, Universidad de Chile, and Don Francisco. He arrives here with his sister, Daniela to learn English. They are here to begin a new life.
September 11, 2001 New York City: I was supposed to meet Joy downtown. I do not. I call her a few minutes before the 1st plane hits. Let’s meet another date and time. The clear blue sky is filled with black clouds for days. Thank goodness I am with Gabby. We pray and cry together.
Summer 2009 Provo & Moab, Utah: He meets a Tongan girl, me. He calls me his Tongana, mi amor, mi vida, mi cielo. I call him Maui, Baby, corazon. He teaches me Te amo. I teach him ‘Ofa atu.
September 27, 2009 Provo, Utah: We are married. We love each other. Our union creates Tonga Chile.
Winter 2009 Sandy, Utah: He is 32 years old when he will hear the words–Allende, Coup, CIA, Murder– for the first time, in our bed. We discuss war after we make love. We exchange history as well as kisses. He can not believe the black and white footage we watch together. He envies my brown eyes. He thinks his blue eyes can only see lies. He calls his father, Omar, former General in Pinochet’s army. Papa, is it true? His father tells him, “Pinochet is the best thing that happened to Chile.” I do not sleep that night. He holds me even tighter.
Summer 2010 NYC, NY: We move to NYC together. He wants to go to Ground Zero. We drive around NYC in his truck blasting Victor Jara. He is proud to be American–South American.Fall & Winter 2010: He moves to Manassas, Virginia. I file for a divorce. We do not see each other for 3 months. 3 months of breaking & crying a part. Separation becomes unbearable. We still love each other. I ride the Chinatown bus from NYC to Washington DC and back for 2 years every week. He drives around Washington DC & Virginia listening to Tiro de Gracia. He sees the Capitol Building, White house, and Washington Memorial for the first time.June 2011: I move to Manassas, Virginia so we can be together. I never thought I would leave my NYC. For him, I will. Let’s work things out. Let’s stay together. A South Pacific Islander and a South American in the South of the United States of America.Jan. 2013: We are separated again. I move back to NYC. For myself, I will. He moves back to Utah. I want the divorce finalized. He wants whatever I want. I don’t want him to want what I want. I want him to want what he wants. Loca y Loco. We both want visibility. We both want to be seen. We love each other but we are not together.June 1, 2013 Sandy, Utah: My father passes away. I live in Utah for 3 months to be with my family. I begin a new life. I still love him. I love myself.
Today September 11, 2013 Sandy, Utah: We are both back in Utah. We are friends who love each other. What does it mean to be together? Tonight we start celebrating his birthday. He will be 36 years old tomorrow. He will call his Father, Omar and brother, Claudio in Chile while we, here in Utah, drink Chile from a bottle of wine. He has not been back to Chile for 13 years. We still exchange ‘Ofa atu at the end of every phone call. I go back to NYC next week.
Feliz Cumpleanoz MSQP. Te amo para siempre. ‘Ofa lahi atu.
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te amoana

this is my day 3 post. its 12:45 am and even though this is technically already the 4th day, i am going to count this as a day 3 post. is that okay?

dear world, dear mi universe: please read this post out loud now. just don’t read it to your self. this post is meant to be read OUT LOUD.
so again,
dear world, dear mi universe:

i will love  myself like nothing before. self love. that is where i am right now: nurturing, healing, learning, breathing. of SELF. the big SELF.
i want to be in love with myself, have a delicious, juicy, amazing, loving, finger licking, fried and dip saucy relationship with myself. i want to crave myself, hug myself, cuddle myself and say sweet nothings and delicious somethings to myself.
i want to swoon at myself, holler at myself, call and adore myself. i want to admire and worship myself, praise myself and lift myself up. i want to serve myself, nurture and spoon myself. i want to kiss myself and share secrets with myself that i would not tell anyone else but myself. i want to trust myself and make myself feel safe. i want to wake up with myself making love and go to sleep with myself sharing pillow talk and pillow fights. i’m going to love myself like i have never loved myself before.

as i contemplate what I’m going to write and share with the world,  i will say that today, which was actually yesterday (11.25.2011) i wrote a whole lot. more than 750 words. more than 1,000.

yesterday, i acted. i did it. i made some major changes in my life and hence,  i poured my heart y soul  in my journal/sketchbook where i will keep it private for now. i say this, because i always want to keep and honor my promises: and my promise to you was to write 750 words per day for 31 days straight. that said, as we go along this journey of 31 days that Yes, i will write 750 words per day in my journal. Maybe some of this writing in my journal will make it to the blog. maybe most of it won’t. this is just the beginning of our blogista relationship, i’m starting out slow. however, i will mos def post everyday for the next 31 days.

‘ofa atu.
te amo.
i love you.
i love myself.
te amoana.

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