In this city of non-stop noise, movement, push and shove, I gotta have my space, time and place to say, “Shhhhh, Quiet Please. I got to be with myself.” In this head of mine, of non-stop intellectual traffic, negative voices from all over from the past and present, I speak, “Shhhhhhh, Quiet Please. I’m gonna talk and listen to my heart right now. I’m gonna be with my gut. ” In this mind of non-stop, I gotta be better, be better, be better, convincing cultural and social norms of putting myself down as normal, addictions and addictive behavior, I declare, “Shhhhhh, Quiet Por favor, I’m listening to my TRUTH right now. Can you please pass the popcorn with the toffee? Thank you.”
My "I AM LOVE" Jar
My "I AM LOVE" Jar, Front
Dear World, Dear Mi Gente, Mi ‘Ohana:
This was the 1st week of the year 2012. This was the 1st week of my Self-Love Challenge. This was the 1st week of being and owning myself as a (art as my) business owner: I felt like I failed terribly. I got confronted again and again. I didn’t participate in my daily Self-Love rituals everyday. I always thought about making my “I am Love” jar but did not actually do it. I prayed. I mediated. I got scared. I still did not do my homework. I got confronted again. I didn’t even want to be present to the homework. much less read it. I distracted myself from what I knew I was supposed to do. I told myself “I was busy.” (I dislike that phrase, “I’m busy.” I share about this more below) I put off my Self-Love Challenge until today. Today I completed my Self-Love Jar (Pictures above. In making this jar I saw that I really do have everything I need to get what I want. On Tuesday or Wednesday, I was walking home from the train and I see this flower on the sidewalk. I pick it up and bring it home. The jar came from some spaghetti sauce I just finished on Saturday. I rubbed the label off, washed, cleaned it and used it. Perfect. While doing all these actions, I kept on saying to myself, everything is provided for me, everything and anything I want.) I gave myself today and yesterday to really take the time to be with myself, to work on myself and love myself. Looking back at this first week, I ask myself, “What did I learn? What are the lessons?” Moana Love Lessons of last week:
1) What keeps me Stuck, Negativo Belief #1: I want to be perfect, hence, I want to DO things perfectly. Hence, I won’t and don’t get things done if I can’t get them perfect.
Moana Love Lesson #1: Where ever I am is perfect, right here, right now.
Yes, yes, y’all. This empowers me like for real real. It gives me the space to be free, be safe, be myself. When I say to myself that I am perfect, right here and right now, I don’t feel anxious, frustrated or stressed, and therefore, I am in the space to be and do my best. ALSO, others around me do not feel anxious, frustrated or stressed either. I can give and provide for them a safe space to be themselves and be free for them to do and be their best. So, I say it loud and I say it proud, Where ever I am now is perfect. This is perfect. I am perfect here right now. My presence is enough. This is my journey and I am courageous outrageous in taking the steps! Purrrrrrrrrr-fect.
2) What keeps me Stuck, Negativo Belief #2: What do I have to show for myself and others now? I aint s&#@.
Moana Love Lesson #2: I am a woman work-in-progress. Life is a journey of learning. We are here to learn lessons. Everything is a lesson to be learned.
For the longest time in my life, I have put pressure on myself and others, that I must have “something to show.” I have taken this on in a negative context, that I must show and look for results of the physical and material. Of course, I do not believe this 100 percent, however, its still there 25 percent, and it comes up again and again in my life. It’s like a tiny needle stabbing me in my little toe and it doesn’t work for me anymore. I am out to be 100 percent in a clear and clean space of Self Love–and my whole life.
3) What keeps me Stuck, Negativo Belief #3: I’m too busy. I can’t do anything more than what I am already doing.
“I’m too busy” are words that have not come out of my mouth in the past 8 months and nor will it ever come out of my life, ever. Today I learned that (ohhh, I love this, this is gold) “Intention comes from soul. If an action does not come from intention it’s just another thing to do.” I love this nugget of gold because I have been such a “doer” in my life. I love to do things because it keepa me “busy.” And “busy” meant to me, as something “good.” Doing for me means that I am actually “doing something” which means I am not lazy, I’m working hard, I’m doing something not just sitting there. I thought earlier in life that if I were to be “busy” and I am doing things, I was of some importance and hence, you would see this importance, and hence, I was worthy of love. Wow, I really get that Negativo Belief I have been carrying my whole life. <<insert buzzer sound, auuuuuhhhhhhhh. No more.>
That said, I do not and will not be “busy” or “too busy” to have the time to be with myself, know myself, check in with myself, give to myself and thus, love myself. Therefore, I will not be too busy for my familia and friends. I will be in action in making the time to be and connect with them. I do not want to be busy. I want to be up to something BIG, like my purpose. I do not want to be busy. I want to be in action and have every action have an intention. Yes, that sounds and feels completely different from “being busy.” When I am doing something, I will say I am in action on my intention. Can you say that with me too? Maybe when you see me in action and someone is asking for me, don’t say, “Oh, Moana is busy right now.” I prefer you tell ’em, “Moana is in action right now on her intention of love and inspiration, do you want me to give her a message for you?” Yesssss, that feels great already.
4) I will never forget what my acting teacher, Kristin Linklater, would tell us as young actors right in the midst of a breakdown/breakthrough in our acting (I still remember this to this day and today, it hit me like a bulldozer, a good bulldozer, it came to me like I really, really, got it!) which is Moana Love Lesson #4: “We do not have much time, We got to take this slow.” That’s the truth, Ruth. Being that I am a work-in-progress, that everything is a lesson and that I am taking every action on with intention, there is no need to take things fast. We can take it slow–I can take it slow. This gives me so much power to BE and DO my best. There is no where to go or get to. This is my journey and I am learning along the way.
Alright my peoples, I leave you with this video and 2 pix I took of the sky here in NYC (Sunnyside, Queens to be exact.) I am so happy and grateful in clicking my camera to capture the sky: sunsets, sunrises, clouds, cityscapes, fields, all of it. I see the sky as our huge canvas with a different painting everyday, any time of the day, constantly being painted again and again. As for the video, I watched most of the classes which are so fulfilling and inspiring. This one in particular took me to the next level of who I am as a business owner and Artist. Watch it. Share with me what you got.
What are your negative beliefs that keep you stuck? What are the affirmations you are creating for yourself to make new, amazing and positive beliefs? I will share too on my next post!
te amo. ‘ofa atu. te amoana. i love you. i love myself.
sending you blue sky, painted clouds and brilliant orange light para siempre! Sunnyside, Queens, NYC; Sunday Jan. 8, 2012
To you from me with LOVE; Sunnyside, Queens, NYC; Sunday Jan. 8, 2012
click on this link: http://www.oprah.com/oprahs-lifeclass/The-Oprahs-Lifeclass-Webcast-with-Cheryl-Richardson-Video